Grief.
A beloved member of our family passed away this week. Poppy, the sheltie, a beautiful girl who was sweet and mad. Poppy wasn’t ours but my Granny and Grandpas, this doesn’t make much difference to us since we saw her all the time, in fact the day she passed she was supposed to be coming down to stay with me for the day. Who it does make a difference too however is her sister, Pippa.
Pippa is a few years younger than Poppy. She has never known life without her. She has lost her friend, sister, playmate, companion…. She is hurting.
And she doesn’t really know why Poppy is gone.
I’m crying right now. As a human I can take myself out the house, I can turn my pain into a blog post, I can turn to my pets and distract myself. Pippa can’t. We often forget our pets grief when we are stuck in it but we shouldn’t. Like us their grief needs to be acknowledged and worked through. They need to learn to live afterwards.
Grief kills pets. Sometimes they stop eating, sometimes they go a little mad, I can tell you stories but right now this pain’s too raw to remember the past ones. If I look there now I won’t be able to continue. I’m hoping that by writing this it helps someone else’s pet, that their owner will have some idea what to do when the time comes. Whether it’s a human or another pet here is my tips to helping your pet grieve
If it’s possible let your pet see the body or be there when it happens. You might think that sounds like a terrible idea but we cannot explain to them what has happened. The best way for them to realise is through their own senses. Until they know the other is not coming back they can, and often are, waiting for them to return. It delays the grief but it still leaves the pain and can drag out the whole terrible experience. Sometimes it’s not possible to let them see the body but you could also try showing them something with the bodies smell. They can get a lot from this too.
Involve them in your grief. Especially if you can’t do the first point, this helps them understand that you hurt too and the comfort of helping each other through this can fill some of the hole left.
Keep your routine. This sounds a little counter productive but this can give stability to an otherwise very unstable time. Too many, including many pets, this stability is a comfort. This is particularly true if you generally have a strict routine anyway. It’s also a way of reinforcing the realisation that life goes on.
Distract them from what’s missing. You can try going on a different walk, getting a new toy for them, maybe even training a new trick, whatever you think would work best for your pet. This can also really help distract you too. Not only does it give them a break from the pain but it builds some good memories without their lost one.
Take care of yourself too. As my mum likes to remind me: they’ll be in a lot more trouble if you can’t look after them. If you need some time away from everything, take that time. Remember the good times, have a good cry. It’s ok to not be ok but you do need to look after yourself. If you need to you can even hire pet sitters to look after your pet for a day or two while you take a break.
Take it one day at a time and know you’re not alone. We all have to face things like this. Everyone grieves differently as does every pet. It could be days or months. Sometimes you’re fine for a long time and then you’ll see something and that hole is ripped open again. It’s normal. If you need to talk to someone and there’s no-one else you can think of send us an email. I don’t mind, no-one needs to go through it alone.
Be aware of help. There are homeopathic remedies and prescription medicines available if you or your pet need them. These include plug ins that reduce stress
Don’t be afraid to move on. This can mean a lot of different things to different people but when it comes to pets it usually means bringing someone else into your home. Some people are ready for this very soon, some take years to be ready. A new arrival can really help to distract you and your pet, and numb some of the pain. Don’t let someone tell you it’s too soon or bully you into moving on too quickly either. Everyone grieves differently, everyone takes their own time, the most important thing is to do it when it is right for you and your family
Love from us to you,
Love you Poppy, we miss you XX